C’est La Vie

So one of my best friends and I got to joking about my ever dramatic love life, and how it mirrors a chick flick ridiculously. There’s my ex I’m still entirely devoted to, in some way, the guy friend with whom that line of friendship is being blurred, and the good looking foreign exchange student. Yeah, um, nope not crazy at all.

So this weekend being fall break, everything’s just been thrown for a loop, emotionally speaking. I think my life has been upgraded from a chick flick to a soap opera. Drama, drama, drama. Feelings that won’t die, the world being handed to me on a silver platter when I’m too scared to take it, throwing myself head first into my work, and very clearly understanding other languages, yet not knowing what’s being said tends to make my little head want to explode. Or join a convent. But I’ve been told on 2 occasions now that I’m too ‘odd’ to join a convent, or that I could never get by as I wouldn’t be able to survive without my huge earrings and pink eyeshadow. So then my next option is to go all Jane Austen and Emily Dickinson and completely recoil into religion and making up my own romances, while never really having any interludes myself. Once again, same friend who pointed out the earrings and makeup was like “Erika, you already do that.” Ok, so I do. Big deal! So shoots that idea in the foot.

The drama’s getting to me. I mean school is enough by itself. I don’t MIND per se, I did sign up for all this after all. But it’s a lot. Any more than that though, and it’s driving me insane. And I could kill one of the aforementioned guys for…I guess you could say ‘calling’ me on that. I forget exactly what he said, but it was something to the effect of, you’re so wrapped up in all this work, and yeah it’s important, but what about what REALLY matters. I guess it only made me so mad as I spent 4 years worrying about all that…time for the backlash into my work to make everything balance out. I’m to the point where i can’t really sacrifice my work anymore. The attitude I read le Baron de Montesquieu had concerning his work was “Étudier, c’est la vie.” (Life is to study.) Anymore that’s how I feel, and anyone throwing themselves in the way of that, well…

It’s not saying I won’t ever come back to some equilibrium, and want the balance between work and love. But now? With all this falling into my lap, all the things I’ve worked for, all the things I’ve nearly lost? I’m not loosing it now. Not ever, but DEFINITELY not now.

So I dunno what the point of all this is. Just guess I’m ranting a little before bed.