C’est La Vie

 They say you never get over your first love. The older I get, the more and more true I realize that is.

Oddly enough, my best friend is ALSO my first love. Yeah, weird, I know. Know someone for 20 years (we used to live down the street from each other, starting when we were 3), and see what happens then. You can’t just walk away because someone made a bad choice. You can’t just ignore it all. Once you’ve been through everything together, it’s not just that simple to walk away from someone. It’s like flushing your whole life down the drain. “Remember the park?” “Remember how we’d run all over the neighborhood in the summer?” “Remember that jerk next door to me?” “Remember 7th grade history class?” “Remember all those late night phone calls Freshman year?” “Remember Senior semi formal?” “Remember all those nights after work, talking and laughing?” “Remember dancing with me in the street light singing to me in French so I’d stop crying?” Yeah, those aren’t disposable memories.

I know a part of me should be over this. Why should I still be stinging over something that happened 4 years ago, and our lives have moved on? I guess the worst part is that we’re still best friends. It’s not a boy who broke my heart, and our lives went separate paths. I don’t even think God would try to split us up. Not that He CAN’T, but I don’t see anywhere in the near future Him messing up our friendship. Why would God mess up something He created? Doesn’t make sense to me…

If I said I regretted my relationship now, I’d be a liar. I love my fiance dearly, and believe in him so fiercly that, well I’d take on ANYONE in  his defense. The way we fit together is perfect. I couldn’t ask for more. I really couldn’t. Just like my best friend, we’ve been through so much together, and there’s no way I would just walk away from him. Not after everything we shared. Not after he’s stuck out every flaw and problem and mistake. He’s part of me. Removing him from my life would be like cutting off my right arm, or my big toes (sounds small, but your body’s balance lies in your big toes. Don’t have those, you can’t walk). We keep each other balanced and sane, because trust me, on our own, we’re baskest cases. haha! And I’ll be the first to admit that!

But that doesn’t change the fact I was hurt…deeply. I think I handled it well, considering my lack of self control most of the time. Haha! But, if things didn’t end up working out like we had thought, at least I still have him as a friend, and at least I know I can trust him, always.

Currently listening: When You Walked Into My Life ~ Lila McCann, Souvenirs ~ Dan Fogelberg, You’ve Got a Friend ~ James Taylor